Just a short letter today as she had to get to a Two Zone P-Day. Emily is still struggling with her fears but is trying hard to work through them. She loves her mail and is so grateful for each letter she receives.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Hello Mom,

Well this is going to be a kind of a short letter because I don't have much time to tell ya a lot of things. Could you also put on my blog that I didn't have time to write letters because of Zone P-day? We are going to be combined with another zone in the mission and so it's going to be crazy. This morning Sister Smith and I made cool shirts for zone p-day and my shirt says Hawkins on the Back and on the front it says O-Zone for Orange Zone. I didn't have enough letters!

But the baptism for Noah and William went really well. The spirit was there and there was a peaceful feeling. It was so great to see them get baptized. When we got there it was so funny because Sister Smith had to walk across the font while it was filling with water to get to the girl’s side to get the baptism cloths because we forgot them in Jennings and we did the baptism in Lake Charles. The font was filling up and we didn’t have keys to open the girl’s side of the font from the bathroom and so she walked in the font and the water was to her knees and it was funny … you had to be there to see how funny it was.

But our other baptism for the three girls didn't go through. The mom says that we were going to quick and that we needed to slow down so we are going to continue to teach them but were going to go slower. We were going fast just to try to have them baptized on Jessie's birthday at the end of October. But the dad is an inactive member and so I think to get all the family baptized would be cool if the dad would do it. But the Lord will help out their family this week.

This week was hard on one day. I was just down on myself thinking I can’t do this and Sister Smith and I were out going to see people and things weren’t working out and my spirits were low. I bet it's hard for Sister Smith to deal with me every day and so she got upset and it was time for lunch so we went home and we didn't talk. It's truly my fault because I am still scared and things and afraid of trying new things and meeting people that I don’t know and I just didn’t feel like going out because I just wanted to stay home and keep studying but you can't do that as a missionary. You got to go out and work for the Lord and I understand that but it's just really hard. But we figured things out and I told her I was sorry and she was sorry too because she is trying so hard for me to love what I am doing and I know that I am not trying hard enough. It's just hard and scary. I hope to see Ken this week to let him know what is going on. I just hope and pray they don't send me home because of me being too scared. I do want to be here but I just want to be the person to see all the cool things and just be invisible, if that makes sense.

I talked with President Moldenhauer again after a zone conference we had this past week and we went over things and he told me that this mission I am on is really for me. I told him that I feel like I am doing more for my family and friends at home then here on my mission. Me being on my mission is helping everyone I know back at home. He said I am making a difference here but it's hard to see that. He asked me when was the last time I had a blessing. I told him recently with Elder Sedar. He asked me if I would be okay for a while until the next time I see him and I told him ya. He said that is good and that I just need to have faith with the blessing I received from Elder Sedar. I know that Lord will help me. I just need to keep pressing forward, right?

But I loved the package you sent me. That was great. I love the shirts. I am sending one of my friends on a mission a box of NERDS that mean Never End youR Day Scriptureless. Pretty cool uh! So he should enjoy that. But I love getting letters from you and everyone else. Even Brother Bird, he always tells me about his studies and things going on in Shelley and even sports which is so great to hear. Tell him thanks for me when you see him. I will try to write to him next week. But the Bird family is so amazing!

Hey mom, as of today I have been out two months in Jennings and on the 11th of November I will have been gone 3 months from home. And on the 14th I am going to be 22! Wow pretty crazy uh!

Well I have to get going. Tell everyone in the family hi and tell them I am sorry I couldn't write to them this week. I love you lots and miss ya tons and you’re the best ever!!!!! Thanks for sending those amazing packages. I know you and dad are spending so much money sending me stuff and trying to help me out to make things easier. I know the Lord is going to bless you mom, and it was great to hear dad is feeling better.

Well I have to run but I love you and I will write ya better next week and send ya pictures of the baptism and of the Halloween party we went to in Lake Charles ward. I hope your day and week goes good. Love ya!

Love Sister Hawkins