This was a tough email to read. She is still really struggling with her fears and homesickness. She wants this so bad but it is really hard for her. Thank you to those who have been writing her and praying for her. Every single letter means so much to her. The letters and the prayers are truly what are keeping her going.
Boy how much I miss you!!! For this week I am not going to be in Jennings. We are traveling to Humble, Texas for Sister Smith’s training meetings that start on Tuesday and don't end till Friday. Going back home every night would be too hard and plus its three hours to get there so we will be spending the week in Humble. We are leaving today and I'm so scared because while Sister Smith is in meetings I'm going to be with the Humble Sisters, Sister Singleton and Sister Parsens, and so we are going to be in a threesome during the day and then at night I'm going to be with either Singleton or Parsens. I'll see Sister Smith in the morning and at night when were home but I hope and pray it's a good thing.
Well this week has been hard because I really miss home! I have been crying lots just worrying about home and worrying if I am going to see my family in 17 months. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen!! I know I need not to worry about that and do my best trusting in the Lord!! It’s going to be hard this week with not being able to read my letters because we are going to be gone. But I miss home and I miss you the most and just everything. But I know I need to do this mission. There are times in the day that I just really love it and other times where I just wonder why am I doing this and what have I got myself into but I'm trying my best to put trust in the Lord.
I'm not really going to be able to write anybody today because after e-mailing you we are heading to Humble so maybe in the car I can write a couple of people but I don't get much of a p-day today! But at least I get to write you!
Last Monday I was having the most hardest day thinking of home. President Moldenhauer called to see how I was and to make sure I was okay. And I was crying and saying I'm trying to do my best and he said good and asked if I was getting stronger. I told him I was trying. He told me that he and Sister Moldenhauer love me and that he was thinking about me and just wanted to call and check on me. I thanked him and he told me to keep praying to the Lord and to give the Lord my burdens and to keep working hard. He told me that I have the best companion in the field which is so true! She is so nice to me. She tries to help me the best she can. But after the call I just kept crying and went to go do my personal studies and I was wondering what to study so I studied in Preach My Gospel on pages 4 and 5 about the Power and Authority of my Calling. Later that morning I got a call from the District Leader asking me to teach about what I studied in personal study for District meeting on Friday. I said yes. So I was stressing all week wondering if my lesson was going to be good and it turned out okay. And it made me think in different ways of how powerful being a missionary is. It helped me in some ways and in other ways it was hard to believe things. But it went well.
Oh guess what? This last Friday night we ate at the Skinners where the boys are getting baptized and we had shrimp pasta and I really about threw up. I had to spit out stuff in my napkin when they weren't lookin. I felt bad but I was just getting sick. So pray for me not to eat sea food, it was just so gross!!!! I HATE SEA FOOD!!!!! Yuck!! I hope I don't have any more sea food even though I still have a long way to go on my mission.
Well yesterday was an interesting day. I fasted for a recent baptism convert that has had a hard time quitting smoking and I fasted for her to have the power and the strength to stop and I also fasted for myself to have faith in the Lord and to believe that I can do this mission. Church was good. I was quiet and thinking of my fast and it was interesting that the Relief Society Lesson talked about "Faith in Jesus Christ." I didn't realize it until half way through the lesson and I started thinking about the past prophets having faith in the Lord and how strong they are! So it was a good lesson. It made me think a lot. But after church I didn't quit my fast. I kept fasting and I should of broke it because we were visiting a non member and I started to feel sick and I turned green and white and got keys from Sister Smith and went to the car and the non member gave me some power aid to help me and soup but I didn't eat the soup, I just drank the power aid and luckily I had snacks in my bag because we were like a half hour away from Jennings but it was so weird. I saw white clouds in my eyes and I was just sweating. It was bad. But I am much better now. I just have to fast differently out here. But it was a good fast. I hope and pray the Lord accepted my fast.
We had a New Missionary Training this last week on Thursday and so we had to go to Texas by the mission home to go to the meeting. We were going to sleep with the Humble Sisters that night but President and Sister Moldenhauer wanted us to sleep at the mission home! So Wednesday night we traveled to Orange Texas to meet up with Pres. M. and then we followed him to Beaumont Texas. Then we got in their cool van and we drove to the mission home with just Pres. M, because Sister M. was at home cooking for the meeting tomorrow so it was a nice car ride with him. We had a good time in the car. I really didn't talk much because he was on the phone a lot and he was talking to Sister Smith about some things but he did talk to me here and there. So it was different but the cool part was when we got to the Mission home I just felt this peaceful feeling like I didn't have to be scared and it was so nice. I wasn't worried or scared. It made me think of the Temple a lot!! Even though at night I don’t sleep well. I don't know if I have told you that but I just toss and turn at night and I just don't get much sleep at night. But I did kinda have a good sleep that night. But that morning I just really didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay!! It's going to be hard when I reach my half way mark in June and they will be gone. And then we will get a new Mission President for the other half of my mission. So I am trying to enjoy them till the summer time. That is when they head back home to Soda Springs! But we had a good drive to the meeting Thursday morning. We met at a Pinecrest church in Texas and we had a great meeting. I was really homesick then because we started to watch the District 2 videos that I was suppose to watch before my mission that I didn't get done and it made me think of packing and spending those last few wonderful moments with you mom. So I kept crying during the first part but the meeting was good and I learned lots. But after the Meeting the Assistants to the President drove us back to Beaumont to go get our truck to head home and it was a fun car ride with the Assistants. They are really cool elders! But other than that, we had a good week and it was hard because of me missing home.
I really do love the email with pictures from Spud Day. I just can't believe how much the girls and Zaebyn have grown!! I love the picture of all three of them! I do like the pictures. But I just love getting your emails and I just can't believe Melanie might be having another girl! It was cool to see the work float and the Singles Branch float. I'm glad ya'll had a great time at the parade at Spud Day! I miss Spud Day! It was cool to see all the pictures. Its good know that the family is safe. I just have that burden on me that I won’t see ya’ll again. And that just scares me so much!!! Mom this is so hard being out here but I'm doing my best. I got a letter from Sister Kruxckyi, my MTC companion and I guess she is having a really hard time. But I'm trying to not give up and to do my best to stay here. There are some days were I just love being a missionary and other days where I feel like I could go home. But I don't want that. I want this but it's so hard and it is just hurting me.
But we need to go to head to Humble now but I just can't wait to come back to Jennings Friday night and to read your letters that you will be sending. If you’re sending me something, send it to end up on Friday so I can for sure get it on Saturday. But I love you so much and I am trying my best to do the Lords work. Its super hard mom and I miss you all so much and mom it's hard. It's so hard. I wish you were here to help me everyday where I can give you hugs and to just hear the family’s voices. But I just need to trust in the Lord. But tell Sister Hall hi for me. I feel bad I haven’t had time to write. She has written me twice but it's hard to write everyone that I want to so give her my love and tell her thanks for the card and the letter. She wrote about Ether 12:27 and that really helped me that day.
So I love you and I can't wait to read things from you on Friday but please have all the family be safe so I can see them again. I love you mom and I miss you so much.
Love Sister Hawkins