Email - September 13th

September 13, 2010

Hey Mom

Boy it was so good to get an e-mail from you!!!! I love the pictures of the Kadie and Ella. They have grown up so much, it's amazing! When I get home I'm not going to recognize them! I love the picture of Zaebyn you sent me! I love it! Wade wrote me a really great letter of encouragement and I got a letter from Sister Hall. I got a cool package from Aunt Sarah! She sent yummy Hawaiian Chocolate and they all sent me post cards with messages on the back! I also got a small package from Barbara Moulton with a small hand fan and some gum! So that was really sweet of her.

This week has been so hard. It seems like every day it is harder and harder to get up and to go to work. This mission is truly a hard and very scary thing and it's amazing that the Lord helps me get through each day! We had a Sister's meeting in Humble, Texas that Sister Smith and I went to and I asked President Moldenhauer for a blessing. I talked with him and I told him I am struggling and he told me that every missionary goes through it but I feel like I am totally different because of my anxiety. He gave me a blessing saying that the Lord loves me and is very thankful that I made the sacrifice to go on a mission and that my family will be blessed with me serving the Lord and that my studies will help me and that I will have a great relationship with Sister Smith and to pray to the Lord and put my burdens on his shoulders. That is all I can remember but it was a nice blessing and he said he would keep in touch. This Wednesday night we have to travel to Humble Texas for a New Missionary Training so I will see him Thursday sometime.

But it's sad because the Moldenhauer’s mission will be over in nine months and we will be getting a new Mission President so hopefully I hit the half year marker for my mission and then I will be getting a new Mission President. This is going to be hard. But I'm trying my best and trying to get lost in the work. I really am. Time is moving so slow. That might be a blessing because of how hard I worked for this mission and the Lord really wants me to try to enjoy every minute of it. But every one I meet, I tell them time is slow and they just keep saying that it will go faster and that the first transfer is the hardest ever. But I'm really struggling. This is so hard. This mission is the hardest thing ever in my life. I thought school was hard …well I'm totally wrong. Heck when I get home I can go to collage lol. But it's truly hard tracking and to share the gospel because when you go to doors you want to say something that will make them feel the Spirit and make them want to learn more. Who knows, maybe if Dad or Wade could write a letter of how to track and how to say things to say. That would help me. I also struggle with remembering what to say in lessons and to try to remember scriptures. Over all everything is super hard for real!!!

Oh by the way I had to speak in church yesterday and I had the subject of "How to use the Book of Mormon as a Personal Guide." I thought about it all last week wondering what I was going to do and then we got the Ensign for this month and there is an article just about that by President Henry B. Eyring! I want you to read it! It is really good for real! Also in the Ensign Sister Smith found an article about having joy on our missions. It's in there, read it too. It totally made me cry and just kinda felt like it was talking to me.

Also I forgot to tell you that when we got to the mission home they gave us a new Book of Mormon that had printed on the front “The Texas Houston East Mission.” We were told to read it and mark stuff to share at meetings. There are certain things to mark. This time while reading the Book of Mormon we have to find things that relate to "Revelations, Holy Ghost and Prayer." So mom I want you and dad to do the same thing. Get a Book of Mormon and have personal study and do the same. Highlight things that pertain to Revelations, the Holy Ghost and Prayer. Also give that a challenge on my blog. Then have you and dad report to me at least every week of what you found to see if I saw the same thing. Like this morning when I was reading I read in 1 Nephi 15:8,11 and it talks about how to inquire of the Lord and to have faith to ask the Lord for things and they will be made known to us. I hope this makes sense. But by doing this, it really makes you go deeper in reading the Book of Mormon. I forgot the paper where you have to be in the Book of Mormon on a certain day but I will write ya in the letter. So I hope you and dad and the family and who ever else reads this will take that challenge to see how much it will bless your life.

But for some good news, we have two baptisms for October 2nd, but they aren’t mine. They are from Sister Smith and her last companion Sister Singleton. They are two boys 8 and 9 and they committed to be baptized so we are excited! Their mom is such an angel and I love her and we always have dinner at their house on Friday nights. I will try to get a picture with them. They are the best. They are such a nice family.

So yesterday was scary because it was raining buckets all afternoon and the thunder and lightening was so scary. The lightening would hit and just shake the pictures at a members house because in Louisiana and Texas there is absolutely no mountains whatsoever. I really miss the mountains. I always try to find some and you just can't. But we got wet yesterday. We even went tracking in sprinkling rain so I got to see how it rains down here. The weather really changes down here. One minute it is raining and the next it's not, but it's weird.

I love you mom and dad and I am trying to get lost in the work and to not worry about home. But there is not a day goes by that I don’t worry so bad that my family is going to get hurt or something and that I'm not going to see them until the after life and it's just breaks my heart. I really worry about that every day and in all my personal prayers and prayers in my heart everyday I pray that the Lord with keep you safe and protect you all. I really miss you and love you lots.

Tell everyone on the blog that I love the letters and the support I get. It truly helps! This mission is hard and I am doing my best to remember how hard I worked to get here and trying not to quit. I can't! I want this and I need this in my life and I want to have amazing stories to tell you all and to share with my family in the future. I'm struggling but I am trying. I really am. It's hard but I know the Lord is there. I just have to keep asking Him to be there and to give me comfort and peace and to help me everyday and to give me peace that my family is safe at home and that they are okay. It's so true that missions are hard and they are not a piece of cake. But the Lord is there even though it feels like He isn't but He is carrying me and all the other missionaries and keeping them safe.

Louisiana is a scary place! Everyone all the time tells us to be careful and I just hope and pray that I won't experience anything scary!! I don't know how I would be able to get through it! The Lord knows me and knows what I can handle. I just hope He doesn’t send anything that is scary ya know. Well anyways I'm going to run to write letters and to go shopping. Tell Melanie thanks for the pictures. I hope to hear from you soon. I love you!!! I love you so much!!!

Love Sister Hawkins